Some of the comments have brought up an interesting point of humility and power. These ideas made me think of a TEDtalk by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, in which she tries to explain why there are so few female leaders. She believes that so often women dropout of the workforce before they can achieve a high ranking position. Sandberg believes that far too often women undervalue themselves and their abilities and this causes them to be undervalued in the workplace. She explains that men attribute success to themselves while women attribute success to other factors. For her, women’s inability to own their accomplishments means that they are not competitive in the work arena and this causes them to be unable to reach the highest levels.
It’s clear that our current system rewards confidence but I wonder what space there is for humility. It seems that humility has been so far removed from power that a person’s refusal to constantly acknowledge how great they are is seen as a weakness rather than a strength.
Is it possible for someone to reach the highest level in their occupation and not have to resort to constantly bringing attention to their accomplishments? Can this be an expression of power?
It’s worthwhile to think about what humility means. Being humble is to acknowledge that you still have room for improvement and that there are beings that exist that are more powerful than you. It is to recognize that people other than you have the capacity to do something. And this is crucial for the establishment of equality between women and men. It requires the realization that there are others (perhaps of the opposite gender) who are just as capable as you and sometimes even more so. To emphasize power as dominating over people is to continue to perpetuate inequality. Essentially it is to accept the status quo. And it is quite clear that the status quo is just not good enough.
engendering equality 
YES! I saw that TED talk and I thought the exact same thing.
The claim is that women are undervaluing themselves in the workplace, but Ms. Sandberg doesn’t say anything about men OVERvaluing themselves. So much talk about women taking charge of their own advancement and “becoming equal” really takes the spotlight away from men and their collective role in learning to stop being the oppressors.
It’s a very valuable skill to see how a collection of factors can set the stage for success, and to acknowledge the positive benefits that come from a collaborative effort. If women were to stop doing this, it would be like becoming the oppressor in order to defeat the oppressor. I don’t think that’s what we should be looking for.
Another related undervalued value is that of being realistic about the extent of your own knowledge. I’ve noticed that it’s a trait more apparent in men than in women to act very confident in one’s own knowledge, without regard for the reality that it may have come from a doubtful source, or may have been poorly recollected. Failure to check facts, to admit uncertainty, and most of all to admit failure itself is one of the most costly character flaws in the corporate and non-profit world, in my opinion.
Gender equality can’t advance unless and until men realize that they have just as much of a role as (or if you ask me, more of a role than) women in changing our social patterns and power dynamics. Men on this website, please make sure your voices are heard among your male peers, because you are more instrumental in this process than you may think.
The matter of humility and power discussed here raises for me the question of how to distinguish between true humility and lack of confidence or a negative self-image that can indeed have a limiting effect on the power you draw on (perhaps in the ways Sandberg mentions). I would like to hear what others have to say about what humility actually is and how to distinguish it from a negative self-image or lack of confidence.
But I just wanted share a couple of examples that I have come across in trying to maneuver between the two:
– I think there has mentioned here on this blog before what might be a tendency more common among women to use language to build consensus and strengthen relationships. Relatedly, I find that I sometimes inadvertently become a lot less articulate when speaking in public, perhaps taking on a more casual (or even a little ditzy) tone of voice, or other times I speak very apologetically and emphasize uncertainty — all, I believe, as a way to try to build consensus and camaraderie with the people I am speaking to. But what it ends up doing is undermining the power of what I am saying. The ideas don’t get to speak for themselves, I am already conveying that they shouldn’t be considered worth much. I raise this issue not because my personal struggles are all that important, but because I have noticed so many more women undercut what they are saying in this way than men (especially in college classrooms).
– In more and more places, I am running across the idea that it is important to be reflexive in the work that we do (as teachers, nurses, doctors, parents and any sort of promoters of human welfare); it is important to reflect on what we are doing, what is working, what could use changing. While this does involve identifying our shortcomings to a certain extent and perhaps sometimes even talking about them to other people, what is the point where we are thinking and/or talking about them too much, where it starts becoming a behavior that causes discomfort to other people, or where it once again undermines our own efforts to be effective?
In any case, I would appreciate hearing the thoughts of others about the differences between true humility and lack of confidence, and how to strive for the former and avoid in the latter, particularly in efforts to promote gender equality.
I read this somewhere today and wanted to share:
“Acquiring humility calls for the rejection of both guilt–the paralyzing, harsh judgment of the failure to live up to the standard–and complacency–the reinterpretation of the standard, lowering it to suit personal comfort and preferences.”
The author also described that humility is not a sense of inferiority before others who are deemed more competent, nor is it feigned modesty akin to hypocrisy. True humility, he asserts, arises from recognition of a higher All-Powerful Being, before Whom all others are weak and in need of perfecting. It grows as we seek to discover, understand, and adhere to the will of that Being. It is supported by a recognition of all human beings as equal, and it is cultivated by an honest appraisal of one’s own faults while tolerating the shortcomings of others. It matures in action as a person prefers others to him or herself and bears fruit as one becomes “weary of self”.
I appreciated from the description of this author both examples of false humility and things to cling to in guiding us toward true humility. In terms of implications for our discussion of gender equality, and the role of humility in the workplace, the insights from the author suggest to me that both men and women should avoid extensive self-promotion (in this regard, the author says, “The glorification of self, the exaltation of one’s limited knowledge, the lust for power, and the compulsion to force matters in the direction of one’s personal choosing, are exposed for what they truly are: expressions of a child’s whims and desires), but also not feign modesty in the hopes appearing great, nor become obsessed with their shortcomings, nor become complacent with so-so performance. True humility stems from recognition of a Being much greater than us, and constantly trying forget our own desires in an effort to do a better and better job of contributing to the welfare of others. In seeking to do that, maybe getting to the top of our fields isn’t a motivation — it either happens naturally as a secondary effect of our striving for excellence, or it doesn’t as a result of the conditions of the context.
So I think that the role of humility in the workplace needs to be completely reinterpreted, and the insights of this author offer a possible path for advancement. Yet, they still require each individual to reflect on what this might look like in her or his own life.
Mona, I definitely appreciate the appeal and message to men regarding their effect with other men and in general. Not lost on me. Now, I also happen to be among the population of men that are not comfortable with the conception of “maleness” thrust upon them, but also take responsibility for what social currency comes with being male…even one of African descent.
I feel that whatever humility that I am able to practice and display comes from my acute awareness that I am so often missing some element of reality in my evaluations, discussions and plans of action; and need to be open to other elements that can perhaps sharpen or enlighten the understanding. I find the typical displays of “assertiveness” or “confidence” to be grotesque in so many ways, but am understanding that there are so many cycles of violence at play, be they physical, emotional or otherwise.
How the healing for the cycles of violence in this context will be applied is certainly of interest to me…
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Humility to me is d most decent power on earth